Advice for first-time dads from British expat Mike Stuart.
In January we featured Mike Stuart in our post about pregnancy and birth from a father’s perspective. He was kind enough to share the story of Melinda’s pregnancy and Georgina’s birth. As a first-time dad, we asked Mike for his top tips for new fathers and he was happy to oblige!
Be as prepared as is humanly possible. In some cases, the birth will go according to plan and everyone will come home happy. For us, we did not and could not predict what lay ahead for the birth, so try to have all bases covered – even if you and your partner have your hearts set on a completely natural birth, when it comes down to it, the only thing that really matters is that your baby arrives safely.
Don’t buy too much stuff for the baby. Before she’s born, you really have no idea how big or small she’ll be, and you won’t need any toys or cuddly bears for weeks, and she wears very few clothes – even if she does need changing four times a day, you’re better off buying new clothes when you need them rather than having a drawer full of onesies that are too small for your newborn!
Get time off work. As much as you can. I used up all my leave while Melinda was in hospital. After a caesarian, the mother has to stay in hospital for at least 2 days. As I was neither a permanent resident in Australia nor had I been in my job for 12 months, I was not entitled to any paternity leave. Melinda and Georgie came home on the Monday afternoon, and I was back at work at 9am on Tuesday.
Accept help when it’s offered. Melinda’s sister came down from Brisbane and stayed on our sofa for three weeks after the birth. Before labour had even begun, we were sure we didn’t need any help. I was taking a week off, then everything would be fine. However, with my time off disappearing into a hospital room, plus the added disruption of a caesarian – the mother isn’t allowed to lift anything heavier than her baby for 6 weeks afterwards – not even the groceries – Melinda’s sister was more help than we could have imagined; we can’t even imagine how we would have coped without her.
Be involved. When you’re back at work and your partner spends all day with your newborn, you feel helpless when you get home and the baby is crying. Learn everything your partner knows. Read. Use the apps. It will get easier with practice, so when you’re there, be there. You can do everything your partner can do. Except breastfeeding. But if your partner is breastfeeding, get her to express some milk so that you can bottle-feed your baby, it’s one of the most amazing experiences you’ll have, and for me it was then that I truly felt like a father.
Listen to every snippet of advice that is offered. Then ignore most of it and go with your instinct! You’ll find every book, website and parent has a different opinion or approach. As frustrating as this may be, it all comes down to the baby. Every child is different, yet each child will have something in common with every other child.
Share you top parenting tips in the comments below!